We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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