i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
