She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
