im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
