I'm really into asian looking animals
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
