Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
