Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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