Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
