My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
