You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
