My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
