Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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