member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
