he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
