You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize