Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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