So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
