I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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