....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
