Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
