He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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