Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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