I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
