He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
