Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
