im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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