I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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