No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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