I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
