I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
