New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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