So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
