Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Rumble strips road head = magical
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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