Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
