i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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