So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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