It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
