I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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