I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
