I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
