I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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