Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
