He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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