guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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