That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
