Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
