I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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