i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
