I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
