Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
