i just sent this text using only my big toe
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
