his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
