How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am available for nakedness
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
