i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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