she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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