I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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