...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
