Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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