my sisters under your porch take her home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
