I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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