I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
