If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
