guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
