I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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