You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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