Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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