obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
