I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can vaginas get frostbite?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
