Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
