I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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