I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
