It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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