I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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